Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Questions, Knowing
I've never been very good at dealing with life. What is life? so far life seems to be moments of confusion, wrapped in sadness and worry, garnished with the occasional moments of clarity. Clarity, so what is that? Is it love? Is it Faith, understanding or knowledge. Is clarity happiness? or does happiness bring clarity? How do we understand the world around us? Do we look to God or some other higher power? Given all the beliefs in the world, there is what? like, a 99.9% chance of being wrong about everything I believe in, usually that .1% is enough to keep me going, but not right now. I look at the world and all I see is my own confusion. I ask myself questions that I can't answer; Why? Why do I act the way I do? Why can't I believe in anything? I wish my mind, normally wide open, and accepting of most things would just close. I wish I could be sure of JUST ONE thing. I wish i KNEW one thing without doubt. I wish I KNEW that I wanted to be a teacher, a writer, I wish I KNEW that the God that I claim to follow was real, I wish I KNEW that I married the right person. I wish I KNEW who my friends were, I wish I KNEW that there was a purpose to life, but I don't KNOW any of those things. I think them REALLY HARD most of the time. How do I know? I guess I just don't.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
I feel this way often... & just as I'm ready to jump off the edge, I remember faith. That intangible, terribly frustrating, incredibly confounding yet freeing thing. When I want to scream for lack of knowing & ability to prove anything beyond a shadow of a doubt, I embrace the doubt... shrug & say "i dunno," but I have faith, I believe. I could be wrong, but I chose to trust that believing in something beautiful is better than questioning all of the wonder out of life.
ReplyDelete